My Experience: My partner of 14 years is lesbian and I didn’t know

We have two lovely children, a boy and a girl, that any parent would be proud of. Kwame, 10, and Akua, 6, are intelligent and respectful children who excel in school.

They’re either the first in their class or second at the end of every term and this has sparked a competition between them. Each wants to undo the other and be the recipient of a coveted award my wife and I have put in place.

We also award the neat child and the one who is able to read more storybooks at the end of the month. We’ve set a target for our children to read at least two storybooks in a month, but they end up doing more than that.

Our home was the happy type. We often go on vacation outside Ghana. I do this to pique the interest of our children to aim high. But this changed in the fourteenth year of our marriage.

I found my wife, whom I’ve grown to love dearly, in a sexual position with a female colleague. They were naked and violently kissing on our matrimonial bed when I entered the room.

She left home very early in the morning on the day of the incident. She asked me to drive our children to school because she needed to do something urgent in the office.

I had a morning presentation to the shareholders of my company but I made time to drive the children to school as she requested. I went to work after I had sent the children to school.

The presentation was at 10:30 am and I was apprehensive because I had not prepared well enough. I went into my office, shut the door and continued with the preparation. But some minutes to the start of the meeting, the presentation was rescheduled.

It was later that my boss told me, I had been nominated to represent the company at a conference in Monrovia, Liberia. He told me to go home and prepare for the trip since it was the next day. I initially declined because it was impromptu, but he talked me out of my decision.

“The last thing you will do is to disappoint the company shareholders who suggested you attend the conference,” my boss told me.

I left the office to the house and it was after I got home that I learnt what my wife had hidden from me for the past 14 years.

She and Sarah, her colleague at the office, were naked. They were enjoying themselves when I ran into them.

I stood there for some minutes, perhaps in a trance over what I was witnessing, before I chuckled for them to know they had a company.

They quickly reached for anything they could lay their hands on to cover themselves. I saw tears welled up in the eyes of my wife. It was tears of betrayal. Sarah packed her clothes, took her handbag and fled the bedroom. I was later to learn I could have harmed her had she not done that.

I am due to return to Ghana on Saturday since the conference will end on Friday. I haven’t told anyone about what has happened. But I have been thinking about the incident and every thought sends anger through my veins.

I really want and have to do something.

What do you think I do?

I’m Fred please help me.


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  1. Please take your sake of your lovely children OK and talk to your pastor if you have one or better still going for coucelling for both of you

  2. Forgive her, let her know you have forgiven her.Now this is between you your wife and her friend call a meeting and give your stand on the matter at hand, let your wife choose between the two of you if she chooses you then give her a strong warning and let her know I for it happens again she is out of the marriage but if she choose her friend then there is nothing you can do.
    Good luck.

  3. My brother, for the sake of your children I will suggest you don’t do any thing ‘silly’ us it will go in a long way to ruin the family.

  4. Pls say something to her. Do not be quiet if not she could do something silly. I know what I mean. As to whether to keep her or not, that is your decision. Forgive her even if u cannot trust her any longer.

  5. He need to have a talk with his wife sex prefence…..we are in a world where we embrace same sex…… please see it normal and understand her sexual feelings……….maybe perhaps you are not satisfying her in some way……

    1. This is not his fault.The wife was acting out her own sin. This is sin we all have it! He needs encouragement and love not blame.

  6. Go down on your knees and Pray to God. Tell him all that you have shared and tell him that your are hurt and in pain, so what should you do. God put you two together and made you the head of the home. So in good or bad times, always go back to your source for help. Pray! Just open your mouth and Pray.

  7. I strongly believe this is who the wife is. You can’t hide these things forever. She needs to see a counselor and the husband needs to stand with her if he truly loves her.

  8. Heavenly Father, I pray for this man, this father, this betrayed husband that you will guide him and comfort him. Lord give him wisdom in dealing with this situation. He is washed in your blood and capable of forgiveness even if he cant be with her and trust her. Lord let him feel your love and peace.

  9. Talk to your wife and get to know her reason behind that act. If the reason is valid enough forgive her, let her see a counselor and stand by her. Keep praying for her. Be strong man.

  10. 1 it could be that there is a reason behind this act (background check)
    2 May be she does not feel satisfied by you ( but acts to please you)
    3 Have a heart to heart talk for the truth

  11. fred am a french citizen and not too good with the English language but i kind of like your story. you’ve been happily married for 14 years, meaning she was a lesbian before you got married, and after marriage she kept you happier over a period of 14yrs still a lesbian. she never deprived you of anything you wanted making her a good wife. If God loves you and has brought you to know her sexual orientation, just help her out of it with better counselling and prayers and do not turn your back on her. We are all the same sinners save by Grace, married or single. Thank u.

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